This one is on my radar because I’m planning on recording an episode of (inaudible) all about what those of Ra call “mated relationships.” It’s interesting to get a peek into how higher density entities think about these kinds of relationships; we see them as these intense catalytic cauldrons, but for those of Hatonn, Oorkas, and Laitos it seems like they’re a much more pleasant – if paler – reflection in the mirror.

The remarks on biases are curious to me. I think that biases are one of the most mysterious elements of creation, and I don’t feel contact with the Confederation has been able to shed much useful light on the topic. What is interesting to me, however, is how the mated relationship exacerbates and calls out whatever the underlying crux of the bias is. If this is our material to work with as we spiritually evolve, then it gives new urgency to these relationships we cultivate and the sexual dimension that slams us together like positive and negative particles.

This instrument is concerned as to whether she is responsible for the spiritual growth of her mate. We would like to speak on this subject, for it is fundamental to an understanding of the true process of spiritual growth as we understand it.

That which is among your peoples known as attraction, or sexual desire, of esthetic appreciation, depending upon the proclivities of those souls involved, is a technique for placing two people in such a position that they are able to be of service to each other. Their free will is not disturbed by this relationship. However, without this natural attraction of polarity, there would be no irresistible reason to sacrifice the pleasures of the moment for a greater or nobler desire to aid another human being. Thus, those among your peoples quite rightly take mates, and thus it is their desire to be of service.

However, let us examine the concept of service. How can you be of service to others, my friends? Can you be of service in an orchard by grafting an apple onto a cherry tree, of a pear onto a peach tree, or by pinning the bloom of a tulip to the leaves of a rose? The only garden that you must cultivate is the garden of your own personality. If you have weeded your own plot, if those things which have been given you are being done to the best of your ability, if you are centered in the love of the Creator, then you can give the only service that is worth giving—yourself.

You may find this easy to give to others beside your mate, for there is an escape. You will leave friends. You cannot leave family, and your family comes to know you; your weeds as well as your crops, your fruit and flowers.

We each have a unique bias. Yes, even we have biases, we of Hatonn, and this is why we take mates as do you, for there are those who are more harmonious to our vibrations than others, those with whom it is well to work out our destinies. But you must remember, my friends, that you cannot change those whom you love; you can only be the best person that you can be. And if your example is an inspiration, then your loved one may change as you desire. You may be seeing quite clearly, but it does not matter, for the free will of your loved one is fundamental to the quality of your relationship. Thus, it cannot change; you can only be. In this way only can you be of true spiritual help to your mate or to anyone else. As we said, it is difficult, for the most part, with one’s family. To be —- that, my friends, is the essence of difficulty.

When you can look at the pain of a misunderstanding and continue to be yourself in the face of it, then you become as a mirror reflecting that which may help your loved one. Speeches, arguments and inharmonious silences can never be of the help that you can be if you remain yourself.

We answer this question because we feel it is central to all relationships in your illusion, is very active, because you breathe, because you move, because all that you do is in motion. You find virtue in motion. You make lists, get things done. You try to communicate with words and actions. But of all those things, your greatest responsibility is to be yourself. Yes, you are responsible for your mate’s spiritual growth, for that is a special and privileged contact among two souls and the Creator. No, you may not change in any way the path of your mate, but only love and be.

If you can remember this simple instruction the terrific confusion that besets the most harmonious of relationships, at times, will vanish. For it is a cliché among your peoples that all are different. Realize only that all are also perfect and that in seeing your own perfection you are allowing your mate to be perfect also. With the pressure gone from a relationship, that which is needed can come naturally. Then and only then can you fulfill your spiritual responsibilities Remember that you are one with all that there is. It is hardest to be one with those to whom you are closest, but it is possible, and it is profitable.

- Hatonn via Rueckert: May 6, 1979